there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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