I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
