i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
