I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dicks are not precious.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
