ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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