Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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