OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
