wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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