Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
