He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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