What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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