I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
smell my finger.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
