dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
