I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
50% drunk capacity currently
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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