you would pick up someone in the library
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
