I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
