did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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