So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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