She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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