Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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