I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
