dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
