He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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