I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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