somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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