The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
