hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
