HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
