And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
