She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
