Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
