soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
