I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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