but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
