tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
