you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
