Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
