New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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