I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
