the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
