Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
