the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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