It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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