I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
