End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
