Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
