i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I am one with the molecules
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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