So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
