dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my sisters under your porch take her home
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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