I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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