I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
