Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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