So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
