singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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