So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
